Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
