Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
