I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
