those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
