my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
