Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
