My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
