there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
