I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize