My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
