When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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