Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
