I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
