just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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