omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
