We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
