He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
