6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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