My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
