So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
