my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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