So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All the doctor said was why
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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