dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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