my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
