i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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