She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
