need another drink. this is the easiest way
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
