you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
