i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
