Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
