The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
