i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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