1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize