is your mom at the bar?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This baby is an asshole
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
