when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
