Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
