on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
