while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
