Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
