Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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