Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
