Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
