apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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