i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
a search helicopter?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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