I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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