Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
