Redeem this text for a blowjob
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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