He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
