If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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