She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
