so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
