I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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