i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have fence marks all over my body
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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