My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
