What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
