It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
