I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
