One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
