I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
