Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
