hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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