i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
