Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
