I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
