im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
