i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
