I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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