I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
