you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
