Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
