If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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